God, Why must everything happen to me now? I don't think I'll be able to handle this much longer. The headaches are getting worse, and the stupid painkillers are not even working. Though my family members are on my side, I still feel so... alone. Why must all this happen to me at the same time? I guess it is indeed true what they say; it never rains but it pours. For now, I have no choice but to fight on. Whatever happens, I simply refuse to give up halfway...
LeO TaN.7:14 PM
You thought I cried because I was feeling guilty, but you are greatly mistaken. I was too angry for words, and you were lucky that my senior was around to distract me. You think you backed down, that I'm the guilty one, but once again, you are greatly mistaken. Talk about me in your blog, go ahead. I don't expect you to apologise either. But please note that I'm the one who backed down, not you. Don't embarrass yourself by sounding so magnanimous. I was the one who decided to forget the whole issue. I'm not in the slightest bit guilty, because I clearly remember reminding you about the MEL camp form. And each time, you confidently reassured me that you will help me remind the rest, and that you won't have a problem remembering. You were the irresponsible one, and now you are blaming me. I don't think you are childish dear, but I do think that you and those who were in the same league as you are cowards. I don't mind dealing with childish people, but the one thing I can never stand is cowardice. You talk big for someone as cowardly as you are, and in a sense, I really pity you. You can only comment about me in your blog, and talk behind my back, but the one thing yo can never do is to admit just how irresponsible you are. Of all people, you have no right to blame me because I reminded you in person, and I remember most of the details. Remember my 'dear', I let you get away with this one, but that doesn't mean you can keep getting away with everything in life. Because not everyone is like me, choosing to ignore you. The next time this thing happens, the other person may not allow you to escape your irresponsibility like you did this time, you poor coward.
LeO TaN.7:15 PM
Something's wrong with me, but I don't know what. I seem to have lost all ability to feel, and the numb feeling refuse to go away. I sound like some f***ing emo, but I can't help it. I somehow can't let go of the things that I don't want to hold on to, and now they are all coming back to haunt me no matter how hard or fast I try to run away. Thankfully, nobody reads this blog but me, and maybe my bestie Jums... otherwise, everybody is going to think that there is something wrong with me. Ah, sometimes I really wonder what is wrong with me. One moment, I'm as pleased as punch and the next moment, it is as though someone had just died. I'm more unpredictable as compared to the weather, I think. Ask my senior and he will confirm. I haven't even blogged for the past few days simply because I didn't feel like it. This has to end soon, otherwise I think I'll officially go crazy...
LeO TaN.9:21 PM
Damn! This week has been so god damned busy! I have to run here and there, and I had proper lessons only for like, three days. Even so, I spent half the time running around on Wednesday, when I had to go to Vivo with my IDEAs group for a project at about half past one, and be back in school by half past three. Thursday wasn't so bad, but Friday is like, the worst. The passengeer evacuation exercise was quite boring, and the sun made my already bad headache even worse. I couldn't eat my painkillers because I was afraid that I would be too drowsy. I fell asleep waiting for my senior to be done with his gym session. I don't understand guys, why do they have to go to gym and carry weights every now and then? It's quite freaky to see big, muscly men walking around school. Not that i'm tiny, but I do get reminded of my short stature, haha. Anyway, I've got to go no, I've got to get ready for my trip to Clark Quay for the Singapore River Raft Race. Ciao!
LeO TaN.6:48 PM
Seriously, if boredom could kill, I would have dropped down dead from the very moment I stepped through the door into my Economics class. Not that I have anything against the lecturer or anything, but he's kinda dry. Thankfully, I have fond memories from friday to get me through the deadly boring three hours. For the first time in my life, I arrived home at quarter to ten without informing either my parents where I was going, nor what my plans were. I used to plan everything down to a tee even though it was just watching a dumb movie with my sister. Now I know how fun it is to do something spontaineously. Not that I'm a boring person, but the planning is to ensure that I always have an answer for my father whenever he asks. Damn, for the first hour or so on saturday, I expected my father to yell at me and get into the angry fit that he always does. To my surprise, he acted as though I reached home right on the dote at three in the afternoon. Haha! It was damn nice, but the trip home wasn't exactly very pleasant since I nearly fell alseep on my senior's shoulder. But it was definitely a start... :)
LeO TaN.9:40 PM
Yesterday I actually wanted to type in an entry, but somehow, until i went to sleep, I still haven't touched my computer. I officially have a godmother now. It started as a joke really, but what I didn't expect was that I was taken seriously. Usually, nobody takes me seriously, which was why I shot my mouth off at my grandma's place. But oh well, I don't mind having my Mummy Geok, haha. Ciao for now...
LeO TaN.5:18 PM
Today I went over to my grandmother's place at Bendemeer, and met up with my aunts there. I went there with an empty wallet and camp back with twenty dollars and a lot more than that. In fact, I came home with one more mother! I got myself a godmother in the form of my aunt, Aunty Geok, who has long wanted a daughter. Now, she has two 'daughters', me and my sister. Aunty Lian also, for some weird reason, bought my mother some fish and prawns from the market this morning and insisted that we bring the frozen seafood home. But yet again, the trip to my grandmother's was a lot better as compaed to the trips to my father's side... somehow, the atmosphere is a lot warmer. Well, I definitely hope to see them again in the near future. ^_^
LeO TaN.5:51 AM
Alright man! Yesterday I got home at about quarter past ten, and my dad has yet to say asingle word about it! damn, it actually feels good! Haha... but I don't think that I will push any later than that. I was very close to falling asleep on the MRT while on the way home, and that is very very rare in my case because i find it almost impossible to sleep in a public transport. My seniors accompanied me home for about 7/8 of the way, since the last one dropped off at CCK. But on the whole, yesterday was a fun day, I managed to forget my concerns, and not just pretend not to have them. I had a great time, and I definitely hope to do something similar again in the future, haha. ^_^
LeO TaN.9:33 PM
I have no idea what I'm doing in school, blogging at quarter past seven when my lessons start at eight. I partially blame it on my sister, who woke me up at ten to six, about twenty minutes earlier than the time I'm supposed to wake up. But then again, I'm never the one who likes being late, nor do I believe in the term 'fashionably late'. Well, enough about me being in school at such an unearthly hour. Yesterday, for some unknown reason, my dad brought the whole family out to Vivo. At first I thought it was my sister who had asked for the outing, but it turns out that my father was the one who wanted to go. He bought me a new pair of sandals since I was wearing my sister's, as well as this dress that I really loved but do not think that it is appropriate to wear to school. I had lunch at the Banquet in the basement, though I ended up leaving more than half of my noodles untouched because of the nice wanton soup. At Candy Empire, while I was away looking at the stuff on sale for the month, my dad had a good time picking out the chocolates at the mix and match counter. He smiled mischievously as I approached and rushed off to pay for his purchases. It was later that I found out just how much that he took when I saw that he had to pay $25.73 for the bag of mini chocs. Not that I'm evil and won't let him have something so sinfully delicious like chocolates, but he is diabetic. Oh well, if he doesn't value his health, then why should I?
LeO TaN.4:14 PM
I think I'm not going to let myself overstress, so for today I'm taking things easy. But it is still too early to tell, but the day started off quite normally. I got blew off yesterday when my senior at the verrrry last second made off, saying that he has something else on and cannot meet up with me. Well, the next appointment is set on Friday, and let's see if he is going to blow me off again. Blow me off once, shame on him, but the second one will be on me. I'm going to Vivo today, but somehow I'm not really looking forward to it because every single time I go there, I end up lost. It is simply too big!!! But oh well, I'm still trying to look on the brighter side of life. I'll worry about tomorrow when it comes. Ciao people! Haha
LeO TaN.8:19 PM
Once more, my mother managed to prove to me just how little she knew me. She pretends to know everyhing, only to realise that there truly is nothing she knows about me. I know that I may sound like a drama queen or something, but I'm stating things as they are. There are still some things she did that I find it hard to forgive. I'm not saying that I'm never going to forgive her ever, that is exagerating. But right now I just can't seem to find it in my heart to forgive her. I know I have been taking a lot of things lightly, even the serious stuff, but that doesn't mean that I can be taken lightly. My parents didn't even think that I was serious about changing courses until I got my father to sign the application form for the course transfer. Oh well... later I'm going up with a senior of mine, and I hope I will be able to forget my problems, no matter ow temporarily. Because it is getting extremely tiring to be living my life right now, I don;t even feel happy nor have anything to look forward to. How pathetic is that?
LeO TaN.9:39 PM
I have thoughts things through, and the only issue I have left before submitting my application form is the financial issues. My mother is worried that MENDAKI won't continue to pay for my school fees if I change courses, which is why I'm still holding back right now. Somehow, it is always money that holds me back whenever I want to do something. My senior told me to take things easy, but as time goes by, the urge to drink away my problems grows and now it is almost overwhelming. But I don't want to make it a solution for my problems, which is why I'm thinking of drinking only on my birthday. But that is about two months away, and I doubt I can last that long. Hopefully, I can make it. The very most is that I go drinking during the week of my birthday, since my birthday falls on a friday. Ah, life is too complicated, I've come to realize. I've taken things too lightly in the past, hence my inability to handle the huge stress I've had to face in the past weeks. Many tears have been shed, and hopefully, they will be my last...
LeO TaN.10:23 PM
I just realised how messy I was when I was messing around with my wallet. I have no idea how many receipts I had kept until yesterday. Gosh, when I threw out all of the receipts, and my wallet's thickness dropped by half! If you were wondering why I was doing this in the middle of a crisis, it was because I was going to explode if I spent one more moment thinking about it. I really needed something to take my mind off things, even for the shortest moment possible. It helped, if only a little. I couldn't sleep again for the third night running, and I really hope to find peace soon, becuase at this rate, I think I may just collapse from physical and mental exhaustion. I have been talking to my class tutors and some of my seniors, but somehow, their words only helped me a little. With the application form filled in and signed by my father, it all boils down to my decision now. My class tutor says that it is wise of me to hold back the submission of the application, but I'm not too sure. Why, oh why must this be so difficult for me when I want it?
LeO TaN.5:19 PM
Why is it so hard for me to make a decision when it comes to something that really matters? Is it because I have to put a lot of thought into it, or is it because of my fear? I really want to change, but at the same time, something is holding me back. I'm relying on somebody else's advice now, but I really hate doing that. I'm the one who is usually dishing out the advice, not the one receiving it. But to that senior who has been helping me during this very difficult period of time, thank you very much. I'm not the type of person who keeps receving without giving back. I'll always remember my senior's advice and try to find a way to repay that person't kindness. That's my principal in life (not that I'm exactly the most disciplined person in life, but I do set limits for myself). But that is not my biggest concern right now, I can't seem to find peace with any of my choices right now. Either way, there'll definitely be something I have to sacrifice. But the real question is, just how much am I willing to sacrifice to have a good future?
LeO TaN.8:19 PM
I have been thinking about this for a long time now, and I finally admit that DMTM is not as interesting as I make it out to be. I think that marine engineering suits me much better, and I hope that my mother support me this time. I admit that I made a mistake waiting this long to think things through and come to a decision, but now the only option I have is to join in next semester. This would mean that my parents would have to pay school fees for an extra semester, and the amount is in no way small. I already obtained the application form and filled it up, but right now I have second thoughts, regarding the fees. I just hope that money isn't an issue with my dad because I really want to transfer courses. Oh well, I think that is enough stressing for now. Till another time, ciao!
LeO TaN.9:42 PM
I've just remembered that I've left a big gap between my first and second entries. It's not that I had a choice though, I was really busy taking care of my cousin who just had her spine surgery. My mother was afraid that she might slip and fall, so she and I decided to take turns to take care of her. Besides, I had thursday free, and I figured that I owed her too much to ignore her in her times of need. Now that my schedule is back to normal, I hope I'll be able to blog more often, or at least remember to. Well, I think that's all for now. Ciao :)
LeO TaN.6:25 PM
hello i'm me
This one korean drama that I've been looking for but can't find^_^
To eat
Being judged by others
Feel free to tag if you peeked into my blog
I'm basically an open person, approachable, amicable, haha
` Wishes.
Someone I can trust
More time in my hands ^_^
` Loves.
My family
Having fun
` Hates.
Not being taken seriously
Being compared to others
*May 2008
*June 2008
*July 2008
*August 2008